|
History of Kappa-Slappers
Kappa slappers are broadly defined as 12-17 year old girls hanging around near bus stops drinking cheap cider smoking fags and wearing Kappa clothing.
Most of them fall into this age group, however some go on until they are quite a bit older. They are usually found in gangs of around 4-16 people in places such as bus stops, parks and near pubs/off licences. Few of them can actually get served alcohol as they are well known to be underage. Despite this they usually do aquire drinks, usually by offering an older freind or (usually) an innocent bystander money if they make the purchase. Speaking of money, no-one knows where they get their finances from, however the common going is they have little jobs, 'borrow' or bum money off people and supplement this by selling or pawning stolen goods such as rings.
Kappa slappers are quite easy to find, just drive down town any night at about ten and there will be at least one gang of them. They wear all sorts of sportswear, Kappa is just chosen as a name for them for it's rhyming effect. Other popular brands include Adidas and le'Coq sportif
The alcoholic beverage of choice is almost always cheap cider. In the past it was Pulse cider, then White Lightning. Both taste like piss. Lately though the preferred drink seems to be Lambrini perry, strong, cheap and well known. Alcopops are also popular. Cigarettes such as Regal are also consumed in very large quantities.
One of the biggest likes for kappa slappers is boy racers, that is young lads driving around fast in cars such as the Vauxhall Nova, sometimes modified but almost always with a loud system installed. Most of the drivers are legal although some of them drive joy and most would attract the attention of the police for their driving style. Incidently a girl 'boy racer' is not called, a 'girl racer' (for that term is usually reserved for drivers (ususally old) who drive at 4mph along main roads and cut everyone up at junctions) but a 'gary boy'. However there is no recognised male equivilant of the kappa slapper.
Around the Castle Park estate there was an epedemic of kappa slappers a few years now but that seems to have dissapeared.
Been a Kappa Slapper tends to have negative effect on one's health, liver damage, chronic blacklung and teenage pregnancy been some of the main problems
|
|
|
Finding Kappa Slappers
Kappa slappers are easy to find with the help of your six senses.
1) Sight: Pretty easy just look for gangs of young girls wearing sports clothes around places like bus stops. Thats if you can see through the smoke screen.
2) Smell: The smell of burning tobacco is very distinctive, but in that magnitude it is impossible to miss. If you get too close you will start to smell the dire cider
3) Taste: The air around a gang of kappa slappers will taste of stale tobacco
4) Hearing: Despite what they do, they retain the distinctive voive of people that age. Just think of lots of them and what conversations you expect.
5) Touch: If you get so close you can actually touch them then you are almost certainly already dead
6) Intuition: Or 'the sixth sense' as it is sometimes known. After a while you will be able to guess exactly where and at what time kappa slappers will be around, and you will be right.
|
|
Dealing with Kappa Slappers
Unfortunatly due to the law it is illegal to hire out a military grade flame thrower and burn them off. The problem with that is the flames tend to lick around the people and ignite the bus stop/bus/park/council estate ect and the police will smoke you down. Also, as proven by the recent foot and mouth outbreak, there are environmental problems coming with mass burning. Alternative solutions must be thought out.
Dont bother nicking their personal stereos unless you want a device that has graffiti all over it stating 'i love (insert name of every male between the ages of 12 and 40 that lives in town) 4eva' and plays nothing but teeny bop and rave music
LinX
Vauxhall, makers of fine boy racer motors like the Astra and Nova
Kappa, who make most of the stuff they wear
|
|
